PARENTS' DANCES

Some Questions To Consider:
1. Do you want to have Parent Dances?
2. When do you want to do your Parent Dances?
3. What songs should you choose?
4. How can you modify the Parent Dances to make them different?
5. What about all those special circumstances like deceased parents, step parents, etc.?


1. Do you want to have Parent Dances?
Why you might want to do this:
A. Your parent, and you, have been looking forward to this all your lives.
B. It is a tradition.

Why you might not want to do this:
A. One of your parents is deceased, and the other one of you would be uncomfortable doing a parent dance if their partner could not do the same.
B. Both parents are deceased, and you are not interested in having anyone else stand in.
C. A parent is very ill, and a Parent Dance would cause undo emotional or physical strain.
D. You are not particularly close to your parent.
E. There are complicating circumstances so overwhelming that it’s best just to skip it. (eg. Divorce issues, etc.)
F. You or your parent is terribly shy, and a Parent Dance would cause extreme emotional or mental strain.


2. When do you want to do your Parent Dances?
Some possible choices:
a. Before the meal.
b. After the first course.
c. After the meal.

Except in the case of the unique event we presented in Question 4 of the First Dance Section, the Parent Dances almost always follow the First Dance. It’s position in relation to the Cake Cutting and the Wedding Party Dance is situational, and pretty much up to you, so we won’t be redundant and mention the relative positioning of those two events in our scenarios.

a. Before the meal.
This would be done immediately after the First Dance with or without the Cake Cutting and/or the Wedding Party Dance.

b. After the first course.
The Parent Dances could be done here as a stand alone when the First Dance is done upon entrance into the reception area, or they could again follow the First Dance, or they could be done in combination with the Wedding Party Dance and/or Cake Cutting. 

c. After the meal.
Again, they could be done as a stand-alone, following the First Dance, and/or in combination with the Cake Cutting and/or the Wedding Party Dance.

If all of this is confusing, just remember that the following four events are the most moveable in the reception:
The First Dance,
The Wedding Party Dance
The Parent Dances
The Cake Cutting

And remember that they can come before, during, or after the meal in almost any sequencing, although the First Dance is most likely to be first.


3. What songs should you choose?
Some possible choices:
a. A traditional parents' dance song.
b. Choose a song that holds some special meaning for the two of you (e.g. A song your father or mother would sing to you when you were a child).
c. Ask your parent if they have a special song they would like to use.
Also, keep in mind that during the announcement of the Parent Dance, your DJ/MC can let your guests know why a song was chosen. (eg. “and now Maria will be dancing with her dad to a special song he used to sing to her when she was small”… etc.)


4. How can you modify the Parent Dances to make them different?
Usually, the Bride’s dance with her Father is followed by the Groom’s dance with his Mother. But, there are other things you can do:
Some possible ideas:
a. Groom and Mother join Bride and Father 1/2 way through their song.
b. Bride & Father and Groom & Mother dance together to the same song.
c. Bride dances with her Father, and then dances with her new Father-in-Law. Groom dances with his Mother, and then dances with his new Mother-in-Law.
d. With Bride & Father and Groom & Mother dancing to the same song, invite all the other parents and their children to join 1/2 way through the song.
e. Combine it with the First Dance.

Options “a” and “b” are fairly self-explanatory. They are often used when either the Bride or Groom (or both) do not want the spotlight solely on them for too long.

We’ll give you a bit more information on option “c”:
c. Bride dances with her Father, and then dances with her new Father-in-Law. Groom dances with his Mother, and then dances with his new Mother-in-Law.
This option can be used with the Bride and Groom dancing to the same song. Or, the Groom’s dances can be done to a different song, following the Bride’s dances. It’s also possible for both the Bride and the Groom to use two different songs - one for the parent, and one for the new in-law.
We’ll use the example of the bride for this option. One-half way through the Bride-Father dance, (or at the end of the first song) the Father of the Bride would hand the Bride off to her new Father-in-Law. He would do this on special cue from the DJ/MC. The Bride would then dance the rest of the song (or, a completely new one) with the Groom’s Father.
This option is enjoyed because it gets the Mother of the Bride and the Father of the Groom more involved in the event. A couple of things to keep in mind: First, choose an appropriate song(s). (See question 4 part “b” in The First Dance Section for more information on an appropriate song.) Second: If you plan on having the Bride dance two separate dances with her parent and in-law, followed by the Groom doing the same (ie. 4 different songs), you might want to shorten the songs, so you don’t have 15+ minutes of Parent Dances.

d. With Bride & Father and Groom & Mother dancing to the same song, invite all the other parents and their children to join 1/2 way through the song.
The DJ/MC invites all the other Father/Daughter and Mother/Son couples to join you on the dance floor. This gets the audience involved. In some cases, a parent has two or three children present, and will take turns dancing with each. This can also be done if the Bride/Father dance and the Groom/Mother dance are two different events. Just have the DJ/MC call all the Fathers & Daughters up during the Bride/Father dance, and have her/him call all the Mothers & Sons up during the Groom/Mother dance.

What most couples do:
As mentioned previously, most couples have the Bride-Father Dance followed by the Groom-Mother Dance.


5. What if we have special circumstances like deceased parents, step parents, etc.?
Some possible choices:
a. Modify the dances appropriately.
b. Skip the event all together.

a. Modify the dances appropriately.
All of the options mentioned previously in question 4 of this section can be done with a step-parent, or a stand-in. (eg. A brother, sister, aunt, uncle, friend of the deceased parent, etc.) If a parent and a step parent are both in attendance at the wedding, you might want to modify option “c” in question 4 of this section to include both parents. Or, you might want to dance only with the parent you are closer to - (NOTE: this can be very difficult for the parent who is being left out, so proceed with caution if you’re planning to do this).  
Again, you must be careful about song choice. Ask your DJ/Band to help you with this.

b. Skip the event all together.
If the choices seem too overwhelming to you, make you uncomfortable, or if it seems like you can’t avoid hurting someone’s feelings, it is acceptable to skip the Parent Dances. Remember, it’s your wedding!